I said I do when I was 16 days short of turning 18 years old. We even needed a parent’s signature on a legal document to allow our wedding to be held on August 1^st. Thinking back on those days it feels like ages ago yet all the memories are coming back.

 We knew in our hearts we were meant to be together and talk of getting married was well before he even proposed. Actually the date for our wedding had secretly been chosen in July of 1991. I remember that day. We were at a popular Mexican restaurant in Iowa City with a big group of friends. Everyone had just ordered and several conversations were happening at once while we crunched on warm tortilla chips and fresh salsa. Dave must have previously been thinking about this as he suggested the date quietly to me. He told me that by adding the days we were born; the 15th and the 17th you get 32 and since there aren’t 32 days in July that we should get married on August 1^st which just so happened to be a Saturday in 1992, a whole year away. I liked the idea of a story behind the date we got married and agreed. With the date settled and tiny smirks on our faces we held hands under the table and engaged with the friends around us.

We had plenty of time to prepare, what we didn’t have was much money. I never was one for asking for help. I had been self-sufficient since I was old enough to get a job. I wasn’t even comfortable asking my husband to be for financial assistance. The independence I had gained from making my own way was challenged when I discovered I didn’t have to do everything myself, especially when Dave had proven he could be counted on.

I was entering my senior year in the fall of ‘91 and when it was time for senior pictures I should have known the expense would be mine although it hadn’t been for my older sister. I was in a tight spot and Dave offered me some money to help cover the cost of the session. I ordered minimal pictures and was thankful not to be one of the only ones in my class whose picture would be missing from the yearbook with only their name listed below. Leaning on Dave wasn’t easy for me and kind of hurt my pride but he wouldn’t hear anything of it and was happy to help.

My last few months of high school I wore a gold engagement ring that Dave was making monthly payments on. I carried a small white wedding planner everywhere and spent my study halls writing Dave long love letters. Weekends were for working, planning and dreaming. 

Three movies come to mind when I think of those days; Steel Magnolias, Pretty Woman and Father of the Bride. The influence of one these block busters was evident in our wedding. I was such a Julia Roberts fan that the dress I bought for our rehearsal dinner was a cheap knock off of the polka dot dress she wore to the polo match in Pretty Woman. Hers was a belted, sleeveless brown with white polka dots where mine was black. The color scheme of our wedding was “blush and bashful” like Sally Fields character says in Steel Magnolias, “pink and pink.” Not at all colors I wear or even that I’m of a fan of, I just loved the movie.

When it came time for shopping for my wedding gown I was practical and budget minded. Just walking into bridal boutiques was intimidating. I often waited for the staff to tell me “We don’t have anything here that would fit you. You’re obviously in the wrong store. Please leave.”

I went with my bridesmaids and my personal attendant on long drives to bigger towns that had something more to offer than just two or three styles. I didn’t really know what I was looking for other than inexpensive and as far as wedding dresses go that was proving hard to find. One shop we stopped at near the Quad Cities had friendly employees who didn’t look at us like most already had; five extremely young girls who were probably playing dress up. The clerk who assisted me asked questions and was very helpful and understanding. She showed me to a fitting room and asked what size I wear. The girls all stayed behind in a carpeted room with plush chairs, a loveseat and a small platform half surrounded by floor length mirrors.

My helper brought dresses from the sale rack. Some were too big, other’s too lacy. Some had gone overboard with sequins and many, many were for a much different body type than mine. Some I was brave enough to step out of the fitting room in and up onto the platform to receive what I knew would be differing opinions.

I’ve told you before how much I read right? Well, when I stepped into the satin gown that would become mine it was like time just stopped. The sweetheart neckline, the simple bodice and minimal sequins but it was the puffed sleeves that stole my attention. Anne of Green Gables has always been a favorite of mine. Anne, with her over active imagination, love of books and her dream of a dress with puffed sleeves. I smile now thinking how much my gown was truly meant for me. The price tag was reasonable and somehow, I was talked into getting a sequined bridal hat with a long vail.

With the color scheme decided, the dress purchased and the church reserved I felt things were really coming along nicely. We still wanted a reception with a dance and a DJ, food needed to be considered and paying for all of this was a stress both Dave and I carried. Dave hardly had any spare time to spend with me leading up to the wedding. He worked at the grocery store, was a pizza delivery guy and even sat at the local Y some evenings babysitting tweens and verifying they were members. The extra cash helped.

May had arrived and with it I graduated high school. Graduation parties weren’t an option for me but my thoughtful boss at the restaurant didn’t want my accomplishment to go uncelebrated. She closed the place down for a private party where she made a special cake and told me to invite anyone I wanted. Mary Sheetz was always so good to both Dave and I.

June and July included more planning and slowly moving my meager belongings into Dave’s apartment. I had a small humpback chest with a handmade quilt in it, a refinished dresser that was once put on the curb as trash, some cherished books, my journals and a small wardrobe.

Graciously Dave’s family hosted a bridal shower for me and the most memorable gift from that was from Dave’s Grandma Mixer. She crocheted us a blanket in our wedding colors. I also had a shower hosted by my bridesmaids with punch, cake and gifts. Back then our options for wedding registries were slim but we had gone to a locally run card shop and picked out some dishes, silverware and other miscellaneous household items.

We rented a floor runner and candelabras for the church. Bought cheap white pillar candles and a unity candle to light during the ceremony. The spot for our reception turned out free as the motel was happy to have the opportunity to profit from sales at the bar. The DJ cost less than $100 as it was a kid who was still in high school but wanted to get started in the business and he had his own equipment. Decorations consisted of inexpensive flowers, streamers, plastic tablecloths and balloons. Mary graciously catered with cold meat sandwiches and potato salad. Our cake was beautifully made and constructed by Dave’s Aunt Cecilia and was to be served in the church dining hall with punch following the ceremony.

We had decorated the church, the reception hall and set up for the dance.

The night before our wedding was fun filled with family and friends. The rehearsal was easy with Pastor Boyd making jokes and putting us at ease. The dinner to follow was held at a family diner in Kalona paid for by Dave’s folks.

That night Dave dropped me off at my Grandparents house. When we parked the car in the driveway, we were in good spirits. We laughed nervously about the first kiss as man and wife that many would witness. Pastor Boyd had put in his two cents and told us to “keep it clean.” Dave had gotten out with me and held both my hands as he kissed me sweetly and watched me walk inside. Grandpa Wellington was in the kitchen when I came in. He had this smirk of a man who knows what it feels like to be exactly where we were on the night before our wedding. I told him I was nervous about the first kiss and he laughed. Not long after that all the girls started showing up and we filled the night doing each other’s nails and giggling.

The next morning found all five girls spread out across the parlor that had two couches and a little floor space. The smell of Grandpa’s coffee filled the air. When I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings I remembered it was my wedding day and woke everyone else up. We had hair appointments and since we were doing pictures before the 3 o’clock ceremony we needed to get moving.

After everyone’s hair was curled and make up applied we took our dress bags, shoes and toiletries to the church to finish getting ready. The library off the sanctuary was reserved for the bride to use and a classroom in the basement was where the groom and his party got ready.

I remember the crinkly tulle underskirt I’d rented to give the bottom of my dress some body. I remember putting on the barely white panty hose and cheap Payless pumps. I remember we forgot to pick up the flowers for the groomsmen and grandparents. A bridesmaid’s mother stopped and got them. News that the best man’s shoes were missing created a small panic but other than that everything was on schedule.

The other part of this story is a little bit harder for me to articulate. One day maybe you’ll understand the difficult relationship I had (there is no relationship now) with my mother. Jan had gotten word to me that since she wasn’t invited to the wedding personally she would not be attending unless I invited her face to face, not through the invitation in the mail. She was still married to husband number four who was out of jail at the time. Her mother, her sister and her in laws were all invited to the wedding as well. In true dramatic fashion Jan showed up last minute in a big show of emotion that quite honestly was all about her. She was wearing a borrowed gown and put on quite the reunion show. After her unannounced arrival in the library she was seated down front where family sits next to the man who put our family through a living nightmare.

Shaking off that drama was difficult but somehow through the grace of God, I refocused and love reentered my heart as the organ started to play.

It seemed to take forever before it was my turn to walk down the aisle. The church was packed. Dave’s side held a lot of family, some of whom I hadn’t even met yet. My side had some family and a lot of friends, customers and loved ones. I had already seen Dave in his white tux and tie but walking towards him that day with my boutique in front of me, my hat on my head and a penny in my shoe I saw nothing but him. His eyes mirrored my happiness.

Pastor Boyd was on his game. With lively narrative and funny stories, he talked about God’s wish for man and wife and the meaning of the never-ending circle of a wedding band. A friend of mine with a good voice sang a beautiful song, the unity candle was lit, the rings placed and the announcement was made that we are man and wife.

The rest of the afternoon and into the evening passed fairly quickly. Lots of pictures were taken, there was dancing and traditions were filled with the throwing of the boutique and garter belt. Our day was a success with only the small hiccup that I should have expected. We did it, we carefully scrimped and saved and with the massive help from others we pulled off a wedding far beyond what I ever thought I’d have.

As we near our 29^th Wedding Anniversary I think back to all those who helped us. It may be years too late for this but I’d like to acknowledge you now. To Mary and Leland Sheetz, for your love, your support and spending your own money to cater our wedding, Thank You. To Pastor Boyd for putting us at ease and telling us Love is a Choice, you made the right one in marrying this young couple, Thank You. To Grandpa Wellington for the hug you always had for me, I will never forget you, Thank You. To Dave and Kathy Shreeves (Dave’s folks) Thank You for having cash on you to give a little something to our singer and for the crystal champagne glasses used to toast the wedding and the wonderful rehearsal dinner party you provided. To Grandma Mixer, Thank You for the blanket. To Cathy Whisler Thank You for running to pick up the flowers (I really hope we had them all paid for) To Dawn Wellington, Aunt, friend and personal attendant, Thank You. To the Groomsmen; Brad McAvoy, Todd Havel and Matt Sturdevant Thank You for always being there. To Traci Havel Thank you for being our registry keeper. To my bridesmaids Thank You. To Mr. Chuck Henry, teacher at the high school, you owe me $100 for betting me my marriage wouldn’t last 😉 And to everyone else who helped and attended, wished us well and congratulated us, Thank you. 

Lastly, I want to say Thank You to our Lord and Savior who listened when I prayed, who never let me feel alone and who continues to bless our family.