A lifetime of love…I’ve been in love for 33+ years. From infatuated love to I don’t know how I’d live without you love. Do we agree on everything? Has it always been roses? Goodness no. We’ve learned to compromise, to support and to respect.

I have a once in a lifetime love.
Allow me to tell you about my favorite Valentine.

It was a very chilly February 14th that year. I remember yelling for my brothers to hurry up or we’d be late for school. We didn’t have a garage and my old Chevy Chevette needed time to warm up.

I was 16, and against my parent’s wishes, was falling hard for a boy six years older than me. To share this story I’m going to back up a little bit….

At fourteen years old I got my first job as a dishwasher at a local mom and pop café. The café was run by the owner, Mary. She did the cooking, the baking, wrote the food orders and the schedules. The evening servers were all high school girls and once a week she’d take the night off and Paul would fill in. He was in his twenties and was like an older brother to me. He was a flirt with the other girls; he made a great cheeseburger and he was always nice to me. If my car didn’t start or there was too much snow I could always count on a ride from Paul. He also had a friend that starting visiting the café. That was when my secret crush began. He came in almost daily; it was the highlight to my shift. Even now I smile remembering.

He worked all hours at a grocery store. Early in the morning he’d stock the shelves and turn around that evening and lock up. In between he’d take his lunch or dinner breaks at the café where the food was hearty, the servings large, plus it was inexpensive. I remember watching the clock for his arrival and listening for the front door to announce we had a customer.

The café was popular with the older clientele in town so naturally when someone closer to the staff’s age came in we all wanted to wait on them. He often arrived before the dinner rush and sat with us while we prepared. We’d roll silverware in paper napkins, fill salt and pepper shakers and wash the ketchup bottles while he ate.

My coworkers were all older than me and much prettier in my opinion. They wore trendy clothes; had the latest hairstyles, and the confidence to talk to anyone. Boys seemed to fall at their feet. I had red hair; pale skin dotted with freckles, wore hand me down clothes and kept mostly to myself. My home life was an emotional roller coaster where I learned how to read moods, how to care for my younger siblings, and that love was conditional. My paycheck often assisted our basic needs. None of this equaled a reason for him to even look in my direction.

Days turned into weeks, and the months passed. My secret crush went out with other girls and to parties with Paul. I could understand why. He still took most of his meals at the café and for the most part didn’t know I existed.

I gained confidence and freedom in my job. I know, I was only a dishwasher graduated to waitress but the tips showed me I was doing something right. With a smile, a caring nature and promptness I found a certain independence that comes with making your own money. This was a great confidence builder and I began to break out of my shell.

Then tragedy struck. The unthinkable happened. Paul was killed in an accident coming home from working the night shift at a distribution center. I remember my first thought upon hearing the news; Dave, my secret crush, how was he? He was one of Paul’s oldest friends.

The café closed for the funeral and we all attended the service. At the cemetery I remember being one in a long line of people to hug him. We gathered back at the café afterward with little to no words to express our grief. Dave quietly returned to work the following day and a routine that comforted him.

He continued to come to the café but something was different. He was changed by the loss; he matured and grew quiet. That’s when he first really noticed me and we started talking. We struck up a friendship and shared with each other things we never told anyone else. We grew closer but there was the age difference to overcome. He was, after all a graduate of college; I was just a sophomore in high school. He had already done prom and graduation. Here’s where I want to remind you of my roller coaster home life. Let’s just say I matured faster than most. I could relate to some of what he was feeling and he found it easy to talk to me. He told me I had depth and was impressed by how much older I seemed then the age on my drivers license.

I knew he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I was content with the long walks and the opportunity to just be with him. We comforted each other and found we did have a few things in common. On the nights I didn’t work he started showing up at my house for dinner and stay to watch TV. I thought the distraction was what he was seeking. It never occurred to me that maybe he was starting to have feelings for me. I thought I was more like a younger sister to him. I had already been warned not to get romantically involved, as he was so much older. Even my sister said he was too old for me. She was closer to his age, more popular with the boys and more beautiful, everyone said so. She told me he was using me to get to her.

Embarrassingly enough I had an early curfew. After a movie one Sunday night at my house we stood on the back porch saying good night. Me, with my lack of experience, I giggled nervously. I swatted him on the arm, teasing him about something. He surprised me and took hold of my hand and caught the other one in his grasp. Suddenly the laughter from earlier disappeared and a seriousness surrounded us. He pulled my hands together behind my back forcing us into an embrace I knew I didn’t want to leave. After weeks of long talks, notes written and evenings spent together my feelings had only strengthened. With his arms wrapped around me I was sure he could hear my pounding heart. I’d thought about this moment for so long, wondering what it would feel like to kiss him.

At first it was awkward tilting our heads just so and bringing our lips together. Then it felt natural and real. That kiss, our first kiss was all consuming. It was fireworks and butterflies. It didn’t matter that we were in the least romantic place on the planet or that any one of my siblings could open the door and see us or that I was told not to. It was a kiss of possibilities.

I remember going straight to my bedroom that night. I crawled under the covers with my journal and a pencil and wrote how I felt I was “on cloud nine.” With so many emotions and hormones I spent 30 minutes reliving the moment on paper. I was mostly excited but the unknown was a little scary too. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he was using me? Was I willing to take the chance? We’d become friends and I didn’t want to risk that. I had learned how to rely on myself. I’d become self-sufficient. Even though I desperately want a relationship with him I wasn’t sure if I could trust him with my heart. I’d been disappointed by loved ones in the past and learned not to get too close to anyone, that would give them the power to hurt me. I had learned to protect myself. Although I longed to be loved, I had to be sure I could trust him.

We’d continued our forbidden relationship and didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him, as we grew closer. We had gotten into a rhythm of work for him and school for me and shared evenings at the café before we each went our separate ways. Every morning on my way to school I’d slide a letter under his apartment door for him to read on his lunch hour. Most days he’d return the kindness and I’d get a letter to take home with me after work.

Now back to that cold day in February. It was just before eight as I zipped up my coat, stuffed a gift into my backpack and herded my brothers outside. The rusty trusty brown Chevette with no muffler was reliable and affordable. The frost was thick on the windshield that morning and as a rule whoever sat up front with me had to help scrape the windows. Dumping my backpack on the ground I opened the creaky drivers door and grabbed the ice scraper off the dash. With one brother helping me the other two etched funny faces on the side windows. Eventually it was good enough and the boys piled in. When I went to climb in I found a surprise. There on my seat lay a single red rose, a small white teddy bear and a silly card with my name on it. My excitement at this gift lit up my face. My brothers of course teased me relentlessly, making kissing noises and singing about sitting in a tree. Once I had them sworn to secrecy I took them to school.

I drove to the high school in a daze of happiness. I couldn’t believe he’d done that. It was such a cold day. Dave lived downtown, at least a dozen blocks from my house. He was scheduled to work truck that morning at 5 am. He didn’t even own a car. He drove a motorcycle that was in storage until spring. That meant he had to have gotten up well before dawn and traveled by foot in the dark with my gifts. Knowing that someone would do that for me meant more than any present ever could.

I was a giddy schoolgirl that day; I counted down the hours until we would see each other. I wrote him note after note in my classes. By four o’clock my apron was tied and the silverware gathered to roll. I couldn’t hide the smile on my heart or keep the excitement out of my voice.

When he came in for dinner, we exchanged knowing smiles and pleasantries. He passed me a newspaper clipping of our horoscopes, something we did often. Keeping our secret was difficult at the café, as I wanted to shout it to the stars that he was interested in me. My coworkers didn’t know about our relationship and I’d watch them like a hawk when they talked to him. I still couldn’t believe he liked me over them. Gaining confidence and independence was one thing but competing with my peers for his attention…

I don’t remember cleaning up the cafe or how much I made in tips; my focus wasn’t on my job. I do remember leaving my car parked behind the café and walking, well running the short distance to Dave’s apartment.

The sparsely decorated, single guy apartment Dave inhabited was above a local auto body shop. Of course I was forbidden to go there. I didn’t dare stay too long and time passed too fast in an exchange of gifts and kisses. That night, he gave me another gift wrapped in silver paper. It was a long rectangular jewelry box. Inside on the red velvet bed was the most beautiful gold bracelet I’d ever seen. It was my first piece of valuable jewelry and completely unexpected. We shared even more kisses; every time I pulled away to leave he’d pull me back. With the fear of being discovered we mutually agreed I needed to get home.

I buried my treasures deep in my backpack; I had left the rose in my locker at school. When I did get home it was much later than usual. I was nervous about being interrogated. I knew my feelings were showing on the outside, how could they not? I wondered if my lips were red and swollen from all the kissing. Was my hair messed up? I was sure you could read me like a book. To my surprise I wasn’t asked about why I was so late. I never knew what the mood would be like at my house and for whatever reason it was positive that day. I was told if I wanted to; I could go out with Dave.

That was the perfect ending to my favorite Valentine’s Day, but this one is my second favorite;

February 14 , 1991. I was a junior that year and Dave was considering the management program with the grocery store. With this program we knew a move would be imminent. Our relationship had deepened and as independent as I had become I also learned I could depend on him. There had even been some discussion of marriage. I wasn’t encouraged to go to college and was unsure of what my future held. I just knew I wanted Dave in it.

To celebrate our second Valentine’s we had dinner out. Afterward we went to a lake we often walked around in warmer weather. That night we sat in the car with the heat on. We talked about our future and our dreams. We never ran out of things to discuss. Eventually we ended up back at his place, snuggling on the couch watching television. Then Dave got up for a drink and returned with a wrapped gift. It was a large square box. He sat on the coffee table in front of the

couch and placed the present in my lap. It wasn’t particularly heavy and curiosity got the better of me. Him with his humor and laid-back ways I had no idea what he’d gotten me this year. Tearing the paper off the box I lifted the lid and pulled out a small clown sitting Indian style. It was dressed in a yellow silk outfit with matching hat. On it’s back, was a crank and when wound; played Its A Small World as the clowns head moved clockwise to the tune.

While I was unwrapping Dave had gotten down off the coffee table and crouched on the hardwood floor in front of me. I placed the clown next to me with a smirk on my face and looked down at him. He wasn’t teasing any longer and grabbed both my hands in his and with gentleness and clarity he looked me straight in the eye and asked me to marry him. This took my breath away but not nearly as much as when I opened the small velvet box with a hinge on it. Inside was an engagement ring with more diamonds on it then I’d ever envisioned on my finger. With the ring placed and a kiss to seal the deal we were engaged.

To this day that memory makes me smile. Only he would give me this odd wind up clown that plays a tune then get down on one knee and propose.

That brings us today, Valentine’s Day, 2018. We rarely exchange gifts on this day; it’s usually a card at the end of the workday. Instead we celebrate our love every opportunity we get. A date night as often as we can, a handwritten card on an ordinary day or a simple text in the morning saying “Good Morning Sunshine.” That’s what he calls me, his Sunshine. During those dating years he would, cheesy as it sounds, sing me that song. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

We have weathered many storms together, always together. We have never taken our love for granted. It is a once in a lifetime love and we cherish it.

This story, the one of our beginning is for our four children. They are the proof of our love and have had front row seat to it their entire lives.

May each and every one of you strive for this kind of love. May you know the joy of putting someone else’s happiness ahead of your own.

To a love that completes you, makes you stronger and you return wholeheartedly. Happy Valentine’s Day Our Little Loves