“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

We are a household with four teenagers! I’ll let that sink in…yes, teenagers with all their knowledge and parents with none. They have taught us something I’d like to share about teenagers; just when you think they don’t get it, they prove you wrong.

We started the year by finishing Ryan’s senior year. He did it, he graduated, had a party and packed his bags. His last night at home with his room empty, he was excited. New adventures, fresh starts and independence were all about to be his.

The next day, as a family we loaded up and drove to Ottumwa to the apartment he rented for the next 12 months. Sarah, Mitchell and I unpacked clothes and bedding while Emily worked in the kitchen. Dave, Andrew and Ryan working in the living room, setting up an old tv, decorating with deer antlers and hanging pictures. With that many of us we were done all too soon. The kids said their goodbyes and went outside. Holding back tears I made sure Ryan was good to go. I told him to lock the door after we left and Dave told him “the first taste of crack is free.” (his way of lightening the mood) We gave him a letter we had written for him and I made it to the car just as the tears started to flow.

Fast forward a few months, Ryan is knee deep in college, Andrew drowning in algebra with wrestling on his mind, Sarah looking to her future and all the decisions she has to make and Emily maintaining straight A’s and having slumber parties. Life goes on.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Ryan now freely says I love you without prompting. We get pictures, texts of school work, texts good night and just to say hi. He shares with us his plans, hopes and dreams. Andrew and Ryan have grown closer in the months apart. One seeking guidance, the other offering experience.

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” This one in particular is one we have tried lovingly to teach our children; thankfulness for all the blessings in their lives. We can now see that sometimes you have to experience the loss to be fully aware of its blessing. I can now attest that our 19 year old is thankful for many things. Food on the table (“Mom, I got half a cart of groceries tonight and spent $80!”), his Mom doing his laundry (surprise text late one Sunday night thanking me) and thankful for his Dad’s solid advice to talk about life after college. We are excited to share that Ryan has found what makes him happy. Something he enjoys doing and what he strives daily to get better at. His first term at Indian Hills he made the Presidents List. Ryan has never been our academic child, he is more hands on. He currently has a 4.0 grade point. He is being recruited by companies and is looking into joining a union. He is all smiles and laughter. He keeps a budget, has a job and is finding balance in his life.

I keep these two sayings close, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” My heart is fullest when our family is all together. “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” This is most helpful with raising teenagers. They don’t always show much love, thankfulness or appreciation but now I’m hopeful they will.