I want to share with you a story. It’s small but full of gratefulness and understanding. I’m learning to have less expectations and to roll with things better. More like my husband does. If you don’t expect things then you aren’t disappointed. I have an issue with anxiety and am I learning more ways to deal with it. This story is about my anxiety and how prayer sees me through. About acknowledging the answers to our prayers and being gracious.

This story was inspired by the events that took place on our drive to North Carolina to see our oldest son, his wife and our granddaughter, Hadley.

When I prepare for anything concerning my family I admit I might go above and beyond. I make lists of things to pack, a meal plan list, grocery shopping list and even a list of options to do while we are there. As our departure date got closer; the suitcase, Thirty-One bag and my Longaberger Basket are all brought into our master bedroom and bath. I get all the laundry caught up and start to put outfits together according to the weather. I bake treats to have there, grab the Yahtzee set and Bose dock.

The day before is always hectic as I scratch things off my list and then remember something to add to the list. I try to be prepared for anything. We pick up the rental car and I prepare it for the long car ride. Make sure it has the necessities we’re used to; ibuprofen in the glove box, a vent clip on the dash, a box of Kleenex, a bag for trash and since it’s 2020, a tube of Clorox wipes and a box of face masks. I make sure to have the exact cash for the toll booths and the phone charger plugged in with our destination already typed into the map.

Before I laid my head down to rest, I run through the lists again. I make sure I’d packed everything I could early and circle the items I need to remember to add in the morning.

The excitement is building, I am just a day away from seeing little Miss Hadley. Now that I know myself better, this is when my anxiety starts to peak. I’ve had a seizure the night before we’ve left, so I take an extra, Doctor prescribed anti seizure pill.  I just want the visit to be good and my prior preparations are part of that. 

That night I laid awake staring at the ceiling in the dark, thinking about what else I can do or bring to make this a memorable time. I’ve packed the camera to capture as much of it as I can. I’ve got a cute Minnie Mouse top for both Hadley and I to wear together. I have our old pumpkin carving tools, a couple puzzles I played with as a child and that our kids also used to assemble in the bottom of my suitcase. I have flip flops for the beach, a new coloring book and fresh box of crayons, I even remembered bubble bath for the little girl who can stay in the bathtub as long as you let her. I feel good about my organization and just before I nod off, I weave my fingers together and pray. I pray for a safe trip, for a good visit and mostly I pray for the opportunity to get to go. I am ever so grateful for our blessings. With my eyes already closed I fall asleep thinking about little Miss Hadley and all the fun we will have together.

I had set my alarm for 3:30, but my internal alarm, in the form of my bladder, woke me up at 3:20. I slipped from the bed, used the restroom and turned my alarm off. Dave flipped over on his back and asked what time it was just as I turned the bedside lamp on. I told him it was time to go see our girl. That did it; he sat up and swung his legs around to get off the bed. He hopped in the shower as I dressed. I brushed my hair, my teeth and made the bed. Next, I added all the last-minute toiletries, grabbed our favorite pillows and a lap blanket and took everything to the back hallway by the garage to be loaded. Dave met me in the kitchen and went straight for the coffee maker. He took his daily vitamins and asked where my list for the cooler was. He headed to the basement to pack the frozen items from the fridge down there and I finished packing upstairs. He brought the cooler up with a smaller one for drinks for the drive. I packed the beverages we both liked and he added ice to both coolers, then he started packing the car. I reviewed my lists and verified that Dave got all the food. It didn’t take long to pack one suitcase, the bag, the basket, the grocery sacks and coolers. I had the camera, the laptop, the Waite tote (that pretty much goes everywhere with us that involves the kids) and my purse. Dave filled his coffee cup, I used the restroom one last time (I know how he is about stopping) we turned off the lights and hopped in the car.

As we drove out of the garage we were swallowed up in darkness. 3:40 AM is NOT waking hours. I plugged my phone into the car and the map filled the screen. 1130 miles, 17.25 hours, arrival time: 10:24 pm. And away we went.

You have to really syce yourself up for this kind of drive. It’s long, you’re going to get achy, you’re going to get tired and you’re going to get bored. We’ve done this a time or two and learned a few tricks to help pass the time.

The first couple of hours slip by in darkness. It’s nice to watch the mileage tick down and to see a couple minutes shave off our arrival time. With a full tank of gas, Dave just set the cruise and drove. Eventually the sun starts to rise and with it the day feels like it’s just beginning. We know we leave in the dark and that we’ll arrive in the dark so we count down the little milestones knowing we’re getting closer.

We arrive in Illinois in no time and stop to fuel our appetites. We top off the gas on this stop and get back on the interstate. Indiana welcomes us with a time change and we need another stop. We’ve gotten our arrival time down to 10:04 and we hurry about our stop, getting gas, washing the windshield and using the restroom. Finally, we reach Ohio. There’s not much to see, it’s all interstate driving and a bit of a rat race going through Dayton.

The fall color seems to be at its peak and I can’t wait for the mountains of Virginia. By this time, we’ve had lunch and we’re over halfway there. It feels good to have put so much behind us. I reclined my seat and rested my eyes. Dave was content going with the flow of traffic. It’s my experience that sleeping in a vehicle isn’t all that restful so I didn’t rest long.  I copilot with snacks, drinks and talk of our future. The time doesn’t really fly by but it ticks past and progress is made.

The Virginia’s are as picturesque as I imagined they’d be in October. The mountains are full of autumn color. I marvel at the beauty of nature and what God has made. I take in as much of it as I can and even attempt to snap a picture here or there. I never can get it right though; my phone camera just doesn’t do it justice. The road is hilly and our ears pop several times. Semi’s struggle with their loads and cars jockey for position. Road construction has been minimal and our GPS had it all figured in with our arrival time. We were doing good. God was watching over us but we still had just over six hours to go. Ryan checked in earlier in the day to get our ETA and see how the drive was.

I was taking in our surroundings, Dave was focused on the road; as ever a defensive driver. Traffic seemed to be slowing down and when I glanced at the map our arrival time had added fifteen minutes. Then right before a turn in the road, we notice a sign for construction coming up and to slow down. The next turn we see a road worker parked with flashers on waving a flag to slow down and we couldn’t see around the corner. With semi-trailers, commuters and travelers surrounding us we all checked up on our brakes as we rounded the corner. An announcement was made on our google maps about an accident ahead and to proceed with caution. At this point we were driving less than forty MPH and slowing even more. Eventually we came to a complete stop. We couldn’t see anything but the traffic around us. We sat and put the car in park. The sun was warm enough that we enjoyed the air conditioning so we didn’t turn the off the engine. Fifteen minutes turned into a half hour. The Fed Ex driver ahead of us opened his door and stood up trying to see over the traffic. More time passed. We witnessed a road crew with cones and one of those flashing arrow signs go by on the shoulder. Another ten minutes passed and a wrecker drove past. Dave got out to stretch, it didn’t look like we were going anywhere anytime soon. The way we saw it we couldn’t be too close to the accident itself as we couldn’t hear the sirens of the emergency vehicles. Dave talked with the trucker behind us as he had gotten out as well. He said he just heard there was an accident but nothing more. They talked about trucking and how many hours the man was on the road. I got out my sudoku book and solved a couple puzzles. I searched the internet for any news on the accident but came up empty. Time seemed to sit still and was adding up on our ETA. We were up to 11:27 now. Dave got back in. We had a snack and I noticed the traffic going the other direction had stopped, no cars were driving by. That’s when we heard the helicopter. It’s a frightening thing to me, helicopters. That meant air care and someone was badly injured. I’ve had a loved one ride in one and I was not allowed to go with her. Watching the helicopter land took me back in time, the noise, the rush of medics….

The helicopter landed momentarily and then lifted back into the sky. Dusk was falling and we were anxious to get moving. Eventually the traffic going the other direction started moving again.

Twenty minutes later we hadn’t moved at all. Ryan called again to check our progress and we filled him in on the accident. We convinced him not to wait up because it didn’t look like we’d be there before midnight at this point.

No doubt I wished we hadn’t had the interruption to our schedule. No one wanted to be unloaded and asleep bringing tomorrow and our day with Hadley closer more than me. But at that moment my heart and thoughts were with those involved in the accident. Was someone’s life forever changed? Were there multiple people involved? Had someone lost a loved one?

Our daughter in law, Brianna called on her way home from work. She had just finished a twelve-hour shift and was changing from her work vehicle to her personal one. We filled her in on what was happening and our new time frame. We talked about our plans for the next day as both her and Ryan worked and we got Miss Hadley to entertain. We stayed connected for several minutes and then said our goodbye’s. 

It wasn’t long after that that brake lights started shining bright and engines fired up. Slow and steady the traffic started moving again. The two lanes were forced down to one and about a half mile down the road we passed the carnage. There were cones marking off the site, the guardrail was a twisted piece of metal before it became nonexistent over a sharp decline.  Then we passed a semi-trailer, its load dumped off, was spread all over the place and now empty pallets were stacked on the road. The truck itself had come to rest on its side. Although we drove past at a slower speed, it was dark and I couldn’t see any other vehicles that might have been in the accident. Emergency lights were still flashing and there were still first responders there. I sat back in my seat and wondered yet again about those who were affected.

Soon we were up to speed and our arrival time was now 12:05, we still had six hours to go and would need one more stop for gas. Another half hour down the road, it was pitch black outside and this stretch of interstate had bright reflective lines on the asphalt, cement guard rails on the inside but the good news was that the traffic had finally thinned. That was when we came up on the second accident of the day. 

This time it was on the other side of the road. The first thing we saw was a car flipped on its top, glass from the windows sprinkled out like raindrops across the black asphalt. Then two more cars turned sideways like they had swerved and hit their brakes to avoid collision. Then we saw all the traffic backing up behind them. As we drove we saw the emergency vehicles driving towards the accident, lights flashing and sirens announcing their arrival. Police cars, firetrucks, ambulances and more went screaming by.

Two very damaging accidents. We drove in silence for a few minutes taking in all that we’d seen.

When our original arrival time came, I mentioned it. I longed to be crawling under the covers and finally be there but I had zero complaints. What did I have to complain about? As I explained to Dave; yes, the two hours we’d lost was frustrating but nothing compared to what could have been. We could have been in an accident instead of waiting for one to be cleaned up in front of us.

We finally pulled off the interstate and onto the back roads to Sneads Ferry. We found a gas station and stopped, the tank was almost empty. I washed the windshield and stretched my legs, then we hopped back in and the last thirty minutes were uneventful. 

By the time we pulled into the subdivision and backed the car up in the driveway we were exhausted. We had decided to only bring in the necessities and quietly let ourselves in. Amazingly enough the dogs didn’t hear us as we deposited our things in the front bedroom, right next to Hadley’s. We turned off the outside light, locked the front door and got ready for bed. It had been a very long day.

Dave didn’t take long at all to slide between the sheets, I think he was asleep the minute his head made contact with his pillow. I was tired too but there was one last thing I needed to do before I allowed myself some rest. The bed creaked as I laid down and curled up on my side. I pulled the covers up and rested my head on my pillow. I considered all the things I wanted to thank God for before I closed my eyes and clasped my hands. There were no words that felt adequate enough to say thank you for our safe arrival or a way to express my thoughts for those involved in the accidents we saw earlier. I spoke to God like the friend he has always been to me. He has blessed me perhaps more than I deserve. Tears fell onto my pillowcase and I felt the warmth of His love throughout me. I said amen and then I peacefully fell asleep.

I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you a little bit about the next day.

My internal alarm clock rang yet again although this time when I woke up it was not with dread that I’d somehow need to find a way to fall back to sleep after I get up and go to the bathroom. Instead I woke in a different room with light streaming in and as I remembered where I was I heard whining outside our bedroom door. I knew just who it was.

Have I ever told you about Miss Tessa? She’s the family dog who started out as a Birthday present to Dave in 2010. We had just built the house and we’d been without a dog for over a year. Dave is such a dog person that I knew it would be his favorite gift that year. We brought her home and she instantly fit. She slept under the Christmas tree and found her person in Ryan. Those two connected almost instantly and had a special bond. In 2015 Ryan was on his own and wanted Tess to come live with him. Tessa had helped Sarah’s transition from leaving home and lived with her for a while but she was Ryan’s girl and ended up moving in with him. She’s a sweet yellow lab with soft fur and an aging mug. I opened the door and she shot in like a bullet. Tail thumping against me and yellow hair covering my black pajama bottoms. At this point Dave had lifted his head and was patting the bed beside him, talking to her like a long-lost friend. Tess will be ten this year and her hips aren’t the kindest to her. With a little help from me I got her up and those two caught up on lost time. Tess was in heaven getting some love and I was looking forward to getting some love in a different form.

I knew Miss Hadley was normally up earlier on Wednesdays, having to go to daycare before Mom went to work, but there was no noise coming from her room. With all the commotion from Tess and her excitement at seeing us I wondered if Hadley had inherited her Father’s sleeping traits. I could vacuum under his crib when he was that age and he wouldn’t wake up. 

I cautiously opened the door to her bedroom and walk inside the very dark room. Hadley’s crib had been converted into a toddler bed and she was spread across the mattress still out like a light. I took a minute to take in the site of our granddaughter sleeping. I thought about all it took to get us here to this moment and sent up a thankful “praise be to God.” Then I crouched down and sat on my knees beside her bed. I was thinking about how scary it might be for her to be woke up by me instead of one of her parents. Although we video call consistently I knew this would still come as a shock. I gently rubbed her tiny back as she laid there on her stomach. Her blond hair a fuss of bedhead and her blankets tangled around one leg. I smiled as I spoke to her in the voice I use when we video chat and told her “Hey Turkey, it’s time to get up.” She moved her right arm and opened her eyes and looked at me. It took a second to take in what she was seeing. No tears escaped only confusion crossed her face. I kept talking funny talk and she sat up. She was very quiet and I said, “Good morning Baby, wanna go play.” She sat up and scooted off her bed, then reached for my hand. We walked out of her bedroom and to the doorway of the room I had slept in. Dave and Tess were still on the bed and we stepped inside. “Good morning beautiful” Dave said to Hadley. I told her “Grandpa needs to get up.” She looked from me to him and then led me back out of the room and down the hallway. We passed by the living room and then the kitchen. I knew where she was taking me.

We stopped outside the closed door of her parents’ room and I opened it up and turned on the light. I happily told her “Mamma and Da Da are at work today but they’ll be back tonight.” Then asked her if she was hungry. If you know Hadley you know she’s always up for food, so I closed her parents’ door and walked into the kitchen for a box of Boo Berry cereal, a bowl, the gallon of milk and a spoon.

I am learning and understanding my anxiety, keeping my expectations in check and trusting in God.

In ending I pray for those in the accidents and their loved ones. I’m thankful for all the things that came together for our visit to be the success it was and I’m beyond grateful for the One watching over us all.