A word that sounds so final. Like a door being closed that can’t be reopened. Closure…

Can closure happen between two people with only one allowing it? I’m seeking closure. I have been for quite some time now. It really is a process and my impatience doesn’t help.

Resolution isn’t coming, can I still find closure?

How can I put this into an analogy? Perhaps it’s like the end of a very long rope that’s been lit and the fire can’t go out until it reaches the last of it. The rope is knotted and parts of it are damp, it’s taking a long time, burning slowly.

I took the brunt of it, I accept my part, I’m working on me. I’ve sought answers, questioned why and asked for change.

I am learning to let go, a step at a time. I am learning about human nature. I am learning my faults as well as my strengths. I am trusting that everything happens for a reason. There are times I am weak and I seek guidance. Times when I clasp my hands tight and feel His peace wash over me. I pray for forgiveness, for knowledge and strength. I pray for the things that I can control and the things I cannot. I believe in love everlasting. I believe I am a child of God. I believe I can do better.

As a teenager who attended Ala-teen (a support group for teens effected by alcoholics) the Serenity Prayer is embedded in my heart.  

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Serenity, courage, wisdom. I will seek them. I will persevere.

I seek closure so I can move forward, courage that would make me proud, wisdom to not repeat the past and finally serenity. I seek a serenity that will give me peace, block out anger and allow forgiveness.