Grace by Richard Paul Evans is a book that touches me, I read it every December. It’s a thought provoking tale that hits close to home. I savor the story and put off the ending until I’m ready.

This morning after making the bed, dressing and brushing my teeth I chose not to put make up on, it would be worthless. I was ready for the ending and prepared for the inevitable tears but also for the gratitude that would follow. Right before finishing the last couple chapters I wrote Dave:

I’m finishing up Grace. It’s a good Christmas read for me. It’s real and gives me an opportunity to think yet again about the many blessings in my life. It’s also a difficult read for me. 

Grace is a young 15 year old runaway, whose mother choose a man over her, he abuses Grace and she ends up pregnant. Grace is insightful, mature for her age because of her life experiences and scared. I’m almost finished but know how it ends and I’m not ready for that part. Eric, a boy who offered her escape, just gave her the precious gift of unconditional love and asked her “what happens next?”

 I think about that. How differently my “what happens next” could have been. No, I wasn’t in the exact situation as Grace but close enough to know her feelings, her worries and questions.  

I think about the things that trigger the memories, be it a movie, a book, a scent or a place.  In Grace she writes in her journal: “Is it better to be lonely or afraid? I should know by now but I don’t.”   

That is thought provoking for me because I am always afraid of getting hurt, always. I don’t trust easy and worry too much what others think. I’m getting better at that last part because I am getting better at accepting myself for me, understanding myself and seeing that I’m not really that bad of a person, so if you choose to judge me, not like me and talk poorly about me it’s your choice, it has nothing to do with me. When I do trust and get hurt I block the one who hurt me, cut them out of my life. I’ve cut a lot of people out. Sometimes I miss them but the thought of reconciling is too difficult for me. The pain too deep to allow them back into my life because I don’t trust them not to do it again.  

I’m going to finish the story. Then I’m going to write. I need to. It helps.  

To you I want to say I love you. I love how you think I’m beautiful when I know I’m not. I love how you hold me and sneak kisses. I love that you write or call me every morning. I love the crinkles by your eyes when you smile and the feel of your hard working mans hands when you hold mine. I love the grey in your hair and the blue of your eyes. I love that no matter what you are always there…you have always been. Thank you…

The story starts with facts about child advocacy and how unfathomable it is to many people that parents would mistreat their children. Therefore turning a blind eye when it so clearly happens. It even states that the first child abuse case was only acknowledged because a missionary worker plead the case of an abused child under the protection act of cruelty to animals.

It’s still difficult for some to understand child abuse. It comes in many forms; mental abuse with neglect, physical abuse done in places that can be covered up and sexual abuse that takes innocence. This abuse is forced on a mind that can’t understand it and is twisted into somehow being the victims fault.

There is good that comes from the fictional story of Grace. How Eric grew from the experience and who he came to be. I personally find myself reminded of the many blessings I have and what I learned from the experiences of my past.

Richard Paul Evans is an amazing Author with a gift for writing combined with faith. Grace is a beautiful book I hope you’ll read.